First, a comment I seem to have forgot to post earlier: "Oh, and it does run under Mono, but the same apparent problem manifests as under VirtualBox, there is no 3D rendering at all. .NET Framework 2.0 SP1 is the earliest one that renders properly."…
No. In fact it crashed with a fairly obscure message box that did not mention Tahoma (but did mention fonts)... I had to figure out that it wanted the Microsoft one by trial and error.